


You're Doing it Wrong

by Truth



Category: Oceans 11
Genre: Con Artists, M/M, Yuletide, challenge:Yuletide 2007, recipient:Franzi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-26
Updated: 2010-10-26
Packaged: 2017-10-12 21:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/129379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Truth/pseuds/Truth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was so <i>easy</i> to underestimate Linus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Doing it Wrong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Franzeska](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Franzeska/gifts).



  


## You're Doing it Wrong

  
Fandom: [Oceans 11](http://yuletidetreasure.org/get_fandom_quicksearch.cgi?Fandom=Oceans%2011)

  
Written for: Franzi in the Yuletide 2007 Challenge

by [Truth](http://yuletidetreasure.org/cgi-bin/contact.cgi?filename=48/youredoing)  


May 13, 14:30

"You're doing it wrong."

"Thank you, I think I figured that much out." Linus was obviously resisting the urge to grind his teeth, an impulse not much improved by the faint, half-smile that Rusty had just turned on him. He didn't even have to look down to know it was there. Mocking him.

"Just trying to be helpful." Rusty, stretched out on a couch that had seen better days, had an apple in one hand and a pear in the other. Both were plastic, and he was idly juggling them as he stared up at the ceiling.

"Being helpful involves more than just pointing out obvious mistakes," Linus told him flatly, looking down at Rusty from his own, far more precarious perch.

Rusty's faint smile turned into a grin. "That's an interesting definition."

"It's my definition," Linus told him flatly, returning again to his task.

"In which case," Rusty let the apple bounce up and down in one hand, letting the plastic fruit meet his palm, causing an annoying 'smack' with each bounce, "Allow me to offer a bit of advice."

Linus gestured with the needle-nosed pliers as he squinted at his work. "Advice. At this stage?"

"It's more of something to take into consideration before undertaking these little tasks in future." Rusty was trying very hard not to laugh now, watching Linus suspended above him. He tossed the plastic fruit back into the cheap bowl that sat on the small table beside the couch - an obvious attempt by Linus to make the place look a little less squalid. It didn't help any more than the high ceilings did, but you had to appreciate the effort. Baby steps and all. "First, buy a stepladder."

From his unstable roost atop a stool, atop a chair, atop a table, Linus glared down at him and leveled the pliers in a menacing gesture, or an attempt at one. The entire rickety structure _rocked_ as he did so, and he regained his balance with a faint yelp.

"Second," having to talk quickly before Linus snarled at him for pointing out the obvious, Rusty added, "remember to lock your door before getting yourself into these terribly interesting positions."

"Rusty!" Linus turned just in time to catch the flash from Rusty's cell phone, and immediately lost his balance. With a remarkable display of presence of mind, he hit the table feet first and managed to land on the hastily vacated sofa. Even with the wind knocked out of him, he managed to croak out, "Don't... you dare...."

There came a cheerful beep from Rusty's phone. "Too late."

"I... will... _kill_ you...."

Rusty gave him another grin, already halfway to the door. "You'd miss me, Linus. See you tomorrow, and don't forget the stepladder."

It was criminal, really, how easy it was to bait Linus. As the door closed behind Rusty, the distinctive 'thud' of a piece of plastic fruit hitting the doorframe was clearly audible in the shabby hallway. Managing to bite down on his laughter, Rusty quit the building.

His phone was beeping before he hit the street and he thumbed it open. "Candid photography, think I could make a career of it?"

"That was a terrible thing to do," an almost solemn voice assured him. "What was he doing up there?"

"Blew out a lightbulb, didn't have a stepladder, found the bulb had been screwed in too tight and had it break in his hand. He was trying to get the remnants of the bulb out of the fixture when I showed up. Didn't even have to pick the lock."

"You should be ashamed of yourself," Danny rebuked, half-mocking.

"Oh, I am. Taking advantage of someone like Linus is, well, it's criminal."

There was a brief pause.

"Still there?"

Danny's voice now held an additional note of 'I'm being patient with you because you are obviously mentally deficient'. "Call me back when you figure it out."

Rusty was left staring at the phone, eyebrows lifted. With a shake of his head and a brief, amused quirk of his lips, he closed the phone and shoved it into one pocket.

Above him, staring down out of the cracked window, Linus tossed the plastic pear in the air, tossing and catching it as he watched Rusty signal for a taxi. The phone rang, and he picked it up, still looking out the window. "Yeah?"

"I could've sworn you were smarter than that, Linus."

"I didn't have a step - "

"That's not what I meant, and you know it." Danny laughed softly and Linus felt his own lips tugging into a smile.

"Too obvious?"

"Not yet, but I think you're pushing it a little." There was a pause. "This is where you tell me that you can handle it."

"I _can_ handle...." Linus also started to laugh, somewhat ruefully. "Can't I?"

"I don't know. Can you?"

Linus looked at the pear in his hand and rolled it to the end of his fingers and back. "Yeah. Yeah I can."

"Make sure you have a rock-solid exit strategy." With that final warning, Danny cut the connection, leaving Linus chewing thoughtfully on his lower lip.

"Yeah. Still working on that...."

May 14, 11:28

"You're late." Linus was tapping his foot against the leg of his chair and his fingers against the empty glass on the table.

"You're early," Rusty countered, dropping into the seat across the small table and gesturing to a passing waiter. "Nice umbrella."

Linus didn't look up at the gaudy canvas stretched above the small, curbside table, instead scowling at Rusty. "It goes with your shirt."

"Touch ." Rusty grinned at him, slouching down in his seat as the waiter vanished. He glanced at his watch. "I am exactly on time, for your information. Now, did you get it?"

"I don't know about this." Linus folded his hands on the table and continued to scowl, although now there was a worried line across his forehead. "Isn't this breaking rule one?"

"Please. Finding the guy for his _mom_ is in no way the same as ratting him out." Rusty took his beer from the waiter and slipped him a few bucks before turning back to Linus.

"You don't know that."

"You have a complex about families, you know that?" Rusty took a swallow of his beer. "Turk had another fight with Virgil and took off. Their mother, a sweet Mormon lady, would like to know where her precious little boy has gone and whether or not he can be convinced to come home." He grinned at Linus. "Virgil slipped me a couple thou to see to it that Turk _stays_ lost, at least until Virgil manages to convince his bride to move - which is why _you're_ doing the finding."

"She's hardly _old_." Linus broke off to stare at him. "You took money from Virgil?"

"You want a cut of the action?" Rusty's eyebrows climbed. "Well, I suppose - "

"Rusty, do you even know what morals _are_?" Linus demanded. "You can't just take Virgil's money and then, then...."

"Look at it this way, Linus." Rusty advised him soothingly. "Virgil's trying to get around his mother and make her unhappy. You don't want to be a part of making a sweet old lady unhappy, do you?"

Linus gave him a dirty look. "That's sophistry."

Rusty sighed and lost his smile. "That's reality, Linus. Let me put it to you this way. Turk and Virgil finally had a fight that resulted in splitting them up. Do you want to help them stay angry at each other, or help them to get past it?"

"Well, I...." Linus looked suddenly uncertain.

"You want to do the right thing," Rusty assured him patiently. "Which, in this case, is letting Turk's mother know where he is and that he's okay, yes?"

"I suppose." The admission was grudging in the extreme. Linus pulled an envelope from an inside pocket and slid it over. "You know, two phone calls would've gotten you this information yourself."

"Then I'd have to return Virgil's money," Rusty pointed out. He scrawled an address on the outside of the envelope. "There you go. Toss that in the mail and we're good to go."

"Not so fast." The envelope was twitched from beneath Rusty's fingers and disappeared back into Linus' pocket. Linus gave Rusty a solemn look. "Considering your somewhat flexible morals, I think you'll agree that it's only fair that I ask you to do something for _me_."

"Linus...." Rusty's voice had a warning note to it as he pulled himself out of his comfortable sprawl.

"Fair is fair," Linus told him flatly, "and you're getting paid for this - probably from two different people. _I_ was doing it as a favor for a friend. You owe me."

"For two phone calls?"

"Two more than you made," Linus pointed out, folding his arms. "Or you could always give Virgil his money back."

"Oh come on," Rusty protested. "It was completely Virgil's fault! It's not going to hurt him to learn to play nice."

"Please, those two will never play nice." Linus rolled his eyes. "One favor, Rusty."

Rusty gave him a wary look. "One favor."

"Just one."

"What _kind_ of favor?"

Linus fidgeted suddenly, shifting his attention to the garish umbrella above their table. "Well, I sort of planned to have everything ready for the apartment by Tuesday, but they're threatening to condemn the building before I'm ready. Do you think you could cozy up to the inspector for me, create an artistic delay or two?"

"You can't take care of it yourself?" Rusty laughed, sliding back down in his chair and tilting the bottle back to finish his beer. "Or... is she terribly ugly? Have a large and scary husband?"

"I just don't have the time," Linus protested, throwing one arm out and nearly clipping a passing waiter. Flushing, he yanked his arm back and muttered an apology. "And no, _he_ isn't ugly nor does he have a husband. I don't have time for this, Rusty. Steal the man's dog, win him a sudden trip to Hawaii, whatever it takes."

"Trips to Hawaii will come with an extra surcharge," Rusty warned him, hiding a faint smile.

"Then use it as a last resort." Linus rose suddenly, chin going up as he gave Rusty a stubborn look. "I need four days, Rusty, and you're going to get them for me."

"All right." Rusty shook his head, still smiling. "But you mail that letter today, Linus."

"Maybe." Linus pulled a card out of his pocket and dropped it on the table. "If you can find a way to get him off my back _today_."

"Done."

Linus grinned at him suddenly, looking far younger than should be legal. "Done."

May 14, 16:42

The door was locked this time, but Rusty didn't let it slow him down. The door opened after approximately ten seconds, and Rusty found himself looking at a room transformed.

Gone was the somewhat precarious and malfunctioning light fixture, replaced by a small, tasteful, art nouveau chandelier. The battered furniture had disappeared as well, leaving small, modern pieces in black scattered sparsely about, standing out starkly against the pristine white walls.

Giving a soft whistle, Rusty carefully inspected the rest of the transformed apartment. Even the cracked windowpane had been replaced, although the putty was still soft and wet. Following the faint sound of a voice, he discovered Linus in the bathroom, looking at what appeared to be gleaming new fixtures and a deep tub, in the middle of an argument with someone.

"... rose petals? That's a bit over the top, don't you think?" The small phone in his hand gave a soft rumble of opinion, and Linus' shoulders hunched a bit. "Look, scented oil is one thing - this is supposed to give an impression of reachable opulence, not the honeymoon suite at the Flamingo. It's an investment, not a one night... I'll call you back."

Rusty was grinning broadly as Linus turned to face him, shutting the phone and stuffing it into a pocket. "Well?"

"Well, for a start, the suites at the Flamingo have somewhat more artistic fixtures." Rusty leaned against the doorframe and gestured at the pedestal sink. "That's just not on."

"I don't _want_ it to look like the Flamingo," Linus told him, glaring. "What about the inspector?"

"Your friend David is currently on his way to investigate reports of rats at one of the classier downtown clubs." Rusty shook his head in mock sadness. "It's a terrible thing when people don't obey the health codes."

"Rats?" Linus chewed on his lower lip. "That won't hold him up for long."

"Mail the letter, Linus." Rusty shot him a mock salute with two fingers. "That'll buy you at least one more day." He turned and wandered back into the high-ceilinged living room. "I must say, you've accomplished wonders already."

"Three more days." Linus had a line of paint down one elbow, and a smear of it on one ear. There was still no sign of a stepladder, however, or even any painting equipment. "Three."

"One for the letter, two if you tell me what you're up to here - because I'm damned if I can see it." Rusty examined the angular sofa and decided it would probably not be at all comfortable and settled for leaning against the mantle of the faux fireplace.

"Two for the letter, one more for what I'm up to," Linus decided, folding his arms.

Rusty considered that. "All right. Spill."

Linus laughed. " _After_ I have my four days total. I'm not an idiot, Rusty."

"Oh come on, I wouldn't leave you holding the bag!"

The look that Linus shot him was heavy with disbelief. "Like you're not leaving Virgil holding the bag?"

"You're not as na*ve as you used to be," Rusty complained with a sigh. His eyes were sparkling, however. "On the other hand, you already mailed the letter."

The glare was back. "It was the right thing to do!"

"Maybe, but...." Rusty's phone went off and he fished it out, holding a finger up to keep Linus from saying anything else. "This is Robert Ryan."

There was a moment's pause as Rusty raised his eyebrows at Linus. Rolling his eyes, Linus retreated back toward the bathroom, leaving Rusty in relative peace.

"Cockroaches as well? Shocking." Rusty managed to keep a straight face as the voice at the other end of the line went on to complain, at some length, that he wasn't getting paid enough for this. "Maybe, maybe not. We're veering a bit too far from structural issues and into health. See if you can get some termites, hmm? Who's the guy who did the... yeah, him. See if you can hit a place or two already on his list, mess up his schedule a bit more."

May 15, 14:35

"So this is where you've been hiding?" Linus jumped as the familiar voice came from behind him, and nearly spilled his drink.

Rusty was leaning against the doorway of his hotel room. Linus had heard the door open, but had been expecting someone else, and the look he shot Rusty was two parts desperation to one part fury. "Rusty, you can't be here. I have a _meeting_...."

"In a very nice hotel, albeit one that charges for its rooms by the hour, and I have to wonder what sort of meeting it is?" Rusty's eyebrows rose sharply. "Bringing the potential investors in your pseudo-renovations to a place like this? This has all the hallmarks of a furtive a...."

There came the distinctive sound of grinding teeth as Linus took two steps forward, grabbed Rusty, and shoved him forcibly into the bathroom. "And _stay_ there," he hissed. "I don't have _time_ for this!"

Rusty was left staring, non-plussed, at the back of the bathroom door as it was shut with a rather decisive 'click'. As his hand touched the knob, he heard voices in the outer room. Eyebrows climbing, he pressed one ear against the door and concentrated on the very interesting conversation going on in the hotel room.

May 15, 15:49

When the bathroom door finally opened, Rusty had made himself comfortable on the floor with a deck of playing cards and was amusing himself by playing solitaire. Without looking up, he offered, "That... was clumsy - and I don't just mean shutting me in here instead of shoving me out onto the fire escape."

"No one _asked_ for your critique," Linus snapped. He was red to his hairline and knew it. "Why couldn't you just stick to distracting the damn inspector? I don't _need_ you to keep checking up on me and I don't _need_ my hand held and I certainly don't need - "

"I think that you do," Rusty disagreed pleasantly, rapidly reassembling the scattered cards into their deck once more. "The shy, blushing virgin act works well enough, at least when you can look as young as you do, but it won't hold you forever. Especially if you're planning to continue to string your investors along using that sort of tactic."

Linus' face darkened further. "It did _exactly_ what I meant it to do."

"Which was to buy yourself a little more time, which was a wise move," Rusty agreed, rising easily to his feet. "It's still a dangerous gambit. What were you going to do if he pushed it, instead of deciding to chase you a little longer?"

"He likes the chase more," Linus snapped. "It was a calculated -"

"It was a _risk_ , calculated or no, and it could've very easily backfired on you," Rusty pointed out flatly. He rose to his feet, letting the cards disappear into an outside pocket. "What would you have done then? You can't fake that sort of thing, Linus, at least not without a lot of experience, and your con is blown - right there." He grinned suddenly, "No pun intended."

Linus sputtered wildly, hands clenching into fists as he quite obviously resisted the urge to punch Rusty. "I know what I'm _doing_."

"Most of the time, I'd agree with you," Rusty offered, surprising Linus almost entirely out of his anger. As the younger man stared at him, eyes wide, he continued callously, "But while sex is a really good motivational tool, it's also unpredictable and the easiest way to completely mess everything up is to use it without intending to follow through. People can sense it."

"I could've...." Linus ground to a halt as Rusty cocked an entirely disbelieving eyebrow. "I could!"

"Really." The sarcasm was almost palpable.

With a growl, Linus took a swing at Rusty. It was a half-hearted sort of thing, mostly driven by exasperation and humiliation, and Rusty dodged it without too much difficulty, even in the cramped bathroom. There was a moment's scuffle which ended, predictably, with Linus backed up against the doorframe, Rusty in easy possession of both his hands. His greater weight being put to the rather necessary task of holding Linus against the frame so he couldn't do anything else hasty, Rusty sighed.

"Oh come on, Linus, there's a -"

With a growl, Linus pulled, twisted and managed to get a bare inch of leverage - which he promptly used to fasten his mouth to the sliver of throat visible just above Rusty's collar and bite down.

"Wh-?" Rusty shoved him backward, "Linus, what the hell...?"

Using the opening to twist away, Linus backed just out of reach. "I know what I'm doing, damn it!"

"Do you." It wasn't a question, and Rusty reached fingers up to touch the bite on his neck. Linus hadn't been fooling around when he'd bitten, and there'd be a very definite mark. It was Rusty's turn to lunge, but Linus had more room to maneuver this time and the struggle took quite a bit longer to come to an end.

Rusty ended up with one knee planted firmly on Linus' chest, holding the younger man flat on the floor, both hands occupied with keeping Linus' wrists pressed to the carpet "I think that this has gone far enough, don't you?"

"If you think that," Linus had a dark mark starting to show along one cheekbone, and his eyes were bright with anger as he snarled up at Rusty, "you can let me up."

"I don't think so." Rusty's grin slowly reappeared. "You've been playing me, and I can't believe it took me this long to catch on. You didn't really _need_ anyone to stall that inspector."

Beneath him, Linus flushed a dark red. "Don't flatter yourself, I -"

"You can't con another con, Linus. You saw an opportunity, and you took it. It was pretty smooth, too - but you weren't expecting me today, were you?" Rusty had to stop talking and defend himself as his captive gave an expert twist and a yank, freeing his hands.

It was so _easy_ to underestimate Linus. He was a bit shy, a little anxious, socially awkward as hell and, at the core of it, a really decent person. He was also a dangerous little SOB when he got his feet under him and it was so very, very easy to forget that - which was one of his strengths. Rusty got him pinned down again, although this time they were both breathing heavily and Rusty could feel the pull of a strained muscle and had another set of Linus' teeth marks. "Hold still, damn it!"

For a wonder, Linus did. "Up. I want you to let me _up_."

"Not till we've talked about this." Rusty scowled at him. "Why all the sneaking around? You suddenly can't come out and ask for what you want? Normally you're one hell of a nag when you think someone's not giving you your due."

Linus called him a foul name, which caused Rusty to blink again. "What would your _mother_ say?"

This time Linus came out on top and had his hand on the door before Rusty got his breath back. He pushed himself up on his elbows and called, "You walk out of here and you'll regret it for the rest of your life."

"What makes you think I don't regret it already?" He paused with one hand on the door. "I hate it when you laugh at me. I hate it when you don't take me seriously. I just... I just _hate_ it."

Rusty sighed. "Linus, you're young. We laugh because we remember being where you were. A bit of laughter makes you twice as likely to avoid repeating the same mistake, doesn't it?"

"... maybe." Linus looked back over his shoulder unhappily. "Not everything has to be an object lesson, you know?"

"Maybe not." Rusty shrugged, which was a neat trick with his weight still supported on his elbows. "C'mere, Linus." He patted the floor beside him. "Let's talk about this."

"Maybe I don't want to talk about it. Maybe I'm on a tight schedule and this is -"

"Linus?" Rusty sat up and crooked a finger. "C'mere."

Somewhat sullenly, Linus went.

"Sit." Rusty again patted the floor.

"I'm not a dog," Linus snapped, but he sat. After a moment, he asked, "... do we really have to talk about this?"

Rusty thought about it for a minute, tipping his head back to stare up at the ceiling. "No."

A moment later, Linus was flat on his back, Rusty's weight bearing him down and objections effectively stifled by the demanding press of mouth and tongue. Linus' brief and reflexive struggle came to an abrupt end as Rusty worked a hand beneath his shirt and hit skin. Arms wrapping around Rusty, Linus concentrated on giving as good as he got.

Approximately twenty seconds later, he was shoving urgently at Rusty.

"What?" Rusty gave him an annoyed look, moving back just far enough to be able to properly see Linus' face.

"Rooms by the hour, remember? I'm only paid up for," he pulled up his arm to look at his watch, "another two minutes."

"God _damn_ it." Rusty scowled down at him. "Get up. I've got a room about four blocks from here."

"You -"

"Shut up and get moving before I change my mind."

May 16, 00:32

There was something to be said about despoiling someone who showed so much outright enthusiasm. It relieved his conscience somewhat, truthfully, to have Linus be the one who had his shirt off before the door was all the way closed. Linus was so... innocent. If he'd had much of a conscience, this might've pricked it, but Rusty decided that if Linus wanted this badly enough to try to con him into it, there wasn't anything to feel bad about.

Linus learned _fast_ and by the time he drifted off to sleep, worn out and sprawled across far more of the king-sized bed than should've been humanly possible, Rusty was feeling pretty good about the entire business. A long, hot shower later found his good mood still holding and he returned to the bed to find Linus half-awake.

Mumbling something only slightly coherent, Linus allowed himself to be taken advantage of, with sleepy enthusiasm. By the time Rusty drifted off to sleep, with a mental note to remember to pry Linus' underlying plan from him in full over a late breakfast, he was perfectly content with the passage of the day.

May 16, 10:00

The first thing that Rusty realized, upon waking, was that there was the distinct smell of breakfast coming from somewhere, and a soft knocking at the door. Finding his pants, he made his way to the door to be greeted by room service.

Breakfast for one... and Linus was nowhere to be found.

Helping himself to the bacon, Rusty found himself scowling. "It wasn't a mistake," he told the empty room. It somehow lacked conviction.

May 16 10:48

Linus' building was empty. More, it hadn't changed since the last time Rusty had seen it, which was a bad sign. The hotel room he'd been using as his own was also empty - and clean. Flipping open his phone, Rusty dialed a familiar number.

"Figured it out yet?" was Danny's greeting. "Oh, and Tess says you're an idiot."

"I thought I did." Rusty wandered around the hotel room, checking the wastebaskets and behind the headboard of the bed. "Unfortunately, I seem to have miscalculated."

"You might call it that." Danny sighed. "Do you still have Roman's list?"

"Of course I...." Rusty's eyes went wide and he pulled out his wallet. He dropped onto the bed, phone held up with his shoulder, and rifled quickly through the contents. "That little _bastard_!"

Faintly he heard Danny calling, "Linus got it, Tess." And Tess laughing.

"Goddamn it, Danny. You knew. You _knew_!"

"I knew that Roman wasn't the only one after that list, and I know also that a certain man, well known to us both, was also interested in it and you just fell for a trap laid for you by that same man's extremely talented son. I'm disappointed in you, Rusty." There was a pause. "And now I owe Tess dinner because she bet on Linus."

"Goddamn it."

Rusty clicked the phone shut and dropped backward onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Conned. By _Linus_." He covered his eyes with one arm. "I will never, ever live this down."

May 16, 18:21

"Mom? I got it." Linus was leaning against the wall beside the flight attendant, waiting for boarding to be announced. "Yeah, it's on its way. So'm I." He sighed and leaned against the wall, wondering whether Rusty would plot some evil revenge, or just not speak to him for a year or so. "You can send Turk home, oh, and thank Virgil for me, would you?"

There was a brief pause as he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Mom. I _really_ got it. Thank you so much for your confidence in me, I -"

He turned bright red. " _Mom_ ," he hissed, "it wasn't... I didn't... You're my _mother_!"

... he would never, ever live this down.

   
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